Hm. It has most definitely been awhile since I’ve sat down on my computer to talk about nonsense and throw it up on the Internet. But alas, the new year has begun, and like most people who need an excuse to make life goals, I’ve made my fair share of New Year’s resolutions that I’m hoping to actually stick to. Transitioning to veganism being one of them (so far, so good - but it has only been 10 days). Consistent blogging being another one of them. Let’s see how this one goes.
A few months ago I was laying down on my extra long twin bed at school (I’ve upgraded since then, thankfully). I couldn’t seem to fall asleep, and ended up writing this excerpt that I’ve yet to publish anywhere:
This post started off as a note on my iPhone, along with a collection of my hard-to-decipher to-do lists and trivial - but important - reminders (like which settings I use to edit my Instagram pictures...important). I don't really know where I'm going with this. I just want to talk.
I struggle with being creative, but not knowing what to do with it. Wanting to better my blog, make more YouTube videos, read some books, learn how to play the ukulele, write more poetry, but not knowing which to tackle first. I choose one, neglect it, return to it a month later, then forget why I started it in the first place. I'm too intuitive for my own good. I told Jess I wanted to improve the content of my website, and she said I should try to write in a more stream of consciousness style. I immediately thought of my 10th grade English teacher (and 12th - same dude). Random, not important, but still wanted to mention that. He was a cool guy.
Here's the thing with my website - and just personal projects in general - how does one pour themselves into something like that and not feel like they're neglecting the important stuff (ya know, like getting a degree and whatnot)? It's difficult to stop myself from feeling guilty. I should be studying, writing that paper that's been looming over my head, applying for summer internships, but the only damn thing I wanna do is sit at a coffee shop, write a blog post, make a new playlist and keep up with the videos sitting in my subscriptions box on YouTube. It's difficult to be both a good student and creative in the midst of finals season. It's difficult to be both just during the semester in general. And it's a tough thing to evaluate because both are equally important. Education and doing things that make you happy. I'm just still trying to figure out how to balance the two without spreading myself too thin.
I think that little note is a perfect example of how I fail to finish anything. I could romanticize that part of me and call it one of my charms, but instead, I’m going to push myself to try to actually follow through more. To write more, create more, and overall just do more. I think 2017 will be the year of that: doing more.
As far of the future of this website goes, I think it’s looking pretty damn good. I of course want to continue discussing fashion and music, exploring new coffee shops and documenting my travels. Those things will always be the foundation of Kaleidoscopic Dreams, but this year, I’m doing even more (see, I told you 2017 would be the year of this!). Something I am challenging myself to do this year is document my outfit and favorite song of the day, every single day. I know that might seem unnecessary to some, but to me, it’ll be the perfect way to journal how I feel, what I’m thinking, and how this year will change me. I plan to recap after the completion of each month, and even include small blurbs about the more significant days and photographs that I take of my adventures. This really isn’t for anyone but myself; it’s my way of documenting 2017 and measuring how I grow. I truly hope I grow tremendously.
2016 was probably my best year yet, and I really believe that 2017 will top it. This year, on top of my other goals, I plan to love more, give more and fight to make everyday better than the last. While I can never really seem to finish things, I think this is the one thing I see myself fulfilling.
Until next time, loves!
Stay positive, ambitious and kind,